i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
