We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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