i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
