i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
