the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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