good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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