Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize