and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
