im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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