You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
