Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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