can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
