The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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