I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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