I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
