I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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