Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
