I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
