I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
