Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
