I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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