dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize