So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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