Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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