3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
