thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
