She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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