Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
