I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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