My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
