i need an iv and a liver transplant
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
