Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
