So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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