ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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