So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
