now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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