Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
