my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sacagawea was the original milf.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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