absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
