Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
