so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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