There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
