last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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