guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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