dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
