I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
