My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
why is half of my head shaved?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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