gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
