Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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