He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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