Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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