evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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