He is such a slut. More and more my type.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
God, I missed his penis.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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