Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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