he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
