whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
