I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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