Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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