I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
