The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
