Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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