She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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