My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
