I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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