did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
