he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
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Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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