I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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