dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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