I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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