You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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