Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
