My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
