Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
