I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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