the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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