I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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