Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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