Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
