Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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