Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I came so hard my ears popped.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
