you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
