I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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