There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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