3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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