If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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