Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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