he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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