There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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