I only kidnapped one of them. chill
one might say we're banned from that church
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
