Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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